if you understood me

Some days I wish you were someone who could read me and fulfill everything that I needed. Someone who would tell me that I'm beautiful exactly the way I am. Someone who would give me a hug on those moments that I really need a hug but don't have the energy to ask for one. Someone who could understand all of me. Someone who would ask to listen. Someone who would just be there. Someone who would be you. If you understood me...life would be. One day you might be able to figure out my insanity and quirks, so I guess I'll just sit back maybe I'll watch the stars while I'm waiting - for you. 

meeting here.

My mom once told me that the longer you look at the stars, the more you see. it amazes me how many stars you can see by looking just at one spot. As you look deeper into the universe, more and more universe looks back at you.

Looking for God is the same way. The more you look, the more and more God reveals himself to you. If you stop these earthly desires for a while, and start to look for God, he will start to reveal himself.

But it's not easy, and who ever said that being a Christian was easy? I spend days waiting for God. I hope that he shows up around the next corner i turn, but he ends up not being there.

I dont have all the answers. I really wish that i did, but i dont. Looking for God is something that i struggle with every day. Praying that he'll be there and hoping that i'll feel him.

But someone told me, in the mist of my struggles that God doesn't always let you feel him, because if he did, there would be no special moment of feeling him when he did let you feel him.

As i look out at the stars tonight, i wait. I wait for contentment, i wait for something to tell me to move along. I wait for God.

Im here to meet with you.. come and meet with me.

weekend relief.

i feel as though this blog post is long overdue. but you know, thats what i like about my blog. i can express myself when i want and nobody can tell me that today i have to blog, i can blog whenever i want.

i know it's been a long time since i've last blogged and im sure that many things have happened, but i just can't think about what it might be. therefore, im sorry to any reader because this may not be a very exciting blog post.

you know what the best feeling is. after the last period of the day, right when the end of the day bell rings. and you realize that its Friday and you have no homework, and its a long weekend which means more time to SLEEP! well reader, that is what i felt today. when the 3:00 bell rang, i knew that my day was near completion. all i needed to do was handle a 45 minute bus ride and then it was ... THE WEEKEND!

market days can definitely be long days. getting up really early to set up. sometimes in the dark. on some days, you have rain and thunder storms, creating the market into a large river of water and dirt. other days bring the complete opposite, a hot, humid day with no breeze to save you. just the fire of a sun to beat down killing off happy faces of customers.

but on days such as these, you have time.

time to sit. a blessing in disguise. after a few hours of standing on your feet, sitting down makes you realize how sore your feet really were.

time to watch. you never really know how interesting people are until you just watch them. you can enjoy baskets of peaches breaking upon the task of picking them up sending the fruit this way and that, under tables and trailers. You enjoy watching genuinely good hearted people,willing to run after other people's peaches that are trying to escape the inevitable ending of themselves. They are holding their own overload of groceries, while jogging after the fleeing peaches, stopping them, one with this foot and then extending their other foot to stop another one. Finally they realize that they can't pick them up. :)

You can enjoy the old folks who pat the bums of the stallholders' kids who pick up their large bags of produce for them. Watching after long day can be certainly super relaxing and enjoyable.

time to listen. with the rushes of the day over comes the stragglers of the crowd. those people who are just getting off work or rushing in between crowds to get their eggs. with the comfort of the rush being over for the moment, a time has come to ask questions. Although these questions usually just start conversations of the weather or about their past and upcoming week, somehow, a connection is made, names are learned, and a market family is created. Thus, i look forward to these customers who stop buy just to chat, even when their fridge is still stocked up at home.

time to chat. along with listening, comes chatting. some customers are in a rush to get home, but i fully enjoy time spent with patient customers who listen to my own past and upcoming week. customers make the day more bearable and entertaining and just a wee bit shorter.

time to think. for me, thinking is a good thing. at market with the bustle of the day finished, a time to think comes along. thinking allows time to sort out frustrations at home and things that are coming up and my plans for the week ahead, including tasks that need to be finished before the next weekend of market.

Ecclesiastes 3 talks about having a time for everything.

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

these verses are a good reminder that there is always a time for everything. there is a time for me to sit and a time to stand. a time to work and a time to rest, a time to listen and a time to speak... there is a time for everything.

waiting in line at the movies thinking you're late and find out you're not.

movie theaters. bustling with people trying to find your theater 1 or 3 or 9. there are people who know exactly where they are going and others who have not the slightest clue. although theaters are exciting places to be. you're there to watch a new movie. sometimes one that no one has ever seen. theaters are also a nuisance. on hot nights, the lines are just unbearable. you leave home early just to get a good seat, but then you're faced with the giant. the long lines that are unbearable. you wait and wait... looking at your watch you still have a bit of time... not as much as you had hoped, but you still have time probably not to get your favorite seat, but maybe your third or fourth favorite.

so finally you get to the box. "five tickets please" (Luckily you still had enough time to get the tickets.) after paying, some of the crew decides to go to marble slab... which is legit... but someone has to stay in the theater to save 5 seats all beside each other.

finding five seats isn't very easy you know. with the theater packed and not very good seating... it can be hard. but whatever. you got it. 5 seats. fairly close to the top. no tall people sitting in front. no old ladies, loner moaners, or bathroom runners beside. perfect.

so you wait. for everyone else to come back.with sweaters, bags and purses sprawled across the four other seats making a temporary reservation sign.

when the rest of the team comes back having been able sneak in their ice cream, you decide that their might be enough time to go and get something for yourself.

you take the line that looks the shortest. but while you do this, you need to watch out for certain people..

elderly - sometimes the elderly can be hard for the cashier to understand. although you may not find many of these on a hot night, you still may need to steer clear of the walkers and canes.

young families - although their kids look cute and cuddly, WATCH OUT! these suckers take a LONG time deciding what they want. they also all need to hold their own kids fun pack. moms take a while to get it all organized leaving you behind waiting "patiently".

groups of gossipy girls (or boys) - these people can be a real drag. while they wait in line, they don't talk or think about what they want to have, they talk. and talk. about pointless, useless, crap. and when they are being served, their talking goes from the hottest boy (or best video game) to what they want on their popcorn.

---and of course---

large groups buying together - this is brutal especially in "rush minutes" . their big orders not only take forever to punch through, but forever to make! the poor cashier works their hardest not to get anything wrong... but with big orders, it can frequently happen. during 'rush minuite' it can be even more brutal. no one is there to help the poor cashier. they are doing it all by themselves, making the process even longgggger.

and there you are. standing in line. waiting. looking at your watch. its 5 minutes past 7. thats when the movie is supposed to start... and you wait.... you wait for the elderly lady. and the gossipy girls.. the family of four kids. and the large group. some of the people in front leave the line... them too trying to get the best line possible. FINALLY, you get there... to movie theater's "halfway to heaven" -- the front of the line!

you order... tapping your fingers and looking at you watch as the cashier counts the change and counts it again. you don't think you're late anymore, you know. you try to cope with missing the first couple minutes of the movie.

you get you stuff. and make you way to the ticket reader. you set down all your stuff cause of course you put your ticket in the safest place... inside your pocket or wallet... DUHH!! whatever. you've already coped with missing the first couple minutes.. why not a couple more...

you make your way to your theater. find your saved seat and sit down. the movie hasn't started.

AWESOME!

-written by kat vos.

... read more awesome by Niel Pasricha

http://1000awesomethings.com/

youngest

people say that being the youngest is the best position in the family. i do agree that being the youngest does have its advantages... your older siblings "break the ice" of your parents... you always have someone to talk to about what you're going through cause they've been there before you... and there's always that older sibling who is braver and has more courage than you...

but.

being the youngest isn't always as fun as people make it to be. when you're the youngest, you get picked on because you're the smallest and the "dumbest" .... you get all the hand-me-downs while the older siblings get new and exciting clothes. and worst of all... you're the last.

you're the last to do everything. the last to go to kindergarten... the last to choose what you want... the last to go to high school ... the last to drive ... and the last to grow up.

i dont think older sibling do it on purpose, but they seem to belittle the youngest. like we're the leftovers at dinner. while they go off and enjoy everything... you get left behind.

to all my fellow youngests.

you are awesome.

dont let the bigger sibs get you down.

it's you. who you are. its all you can be!

call my name.

life sometimes gets you down. emptiness overcomes. you know in your head that someone's there and that they love you, but in your heart, you are all alone. there's no one there. its just a heart. what can a heart be without love? the love is absent. or maybe it's run away. it's vacant what-so- ever. you feel as if no one cares. you feel like no one loves you.

that's a fact of life. we were not made to be self-satisfied. we were made to long for something more. something that no person you ever meet will be able to fill. not a friend or a spouse. there's only ONE who can satisfy.

God wants to give us EVERYTHING that our heart desires. every ambition that you are longing for can be satisfied.

all you have to do is CALL HIS NAME!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp5PZuuB3Pg

Third Day
Call my Name

Songwriters: Anderson, Tai; Avery, Brad; Carr, David; Lee, Mark D; Powell, Mac

It's been so long since

You felt like you were loved

So what went wrong

But do you know

There's a place where you belong

Here in My Arms

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness

It seems like no one else in this whole world cares

And you want to get away from the madness

You just call My name and I'll be there

You just call My name and I'll be there

The pain inside

Has erased your hope for love

Soon you will find

That I'll give you all

That your heart could ever want

And so much more

When you feel like you're alone in your sadness

It seems like no one else in this whole world cares

And you want to get away from the madness

You just call My name and I'll be there

You just call My name and I'll be there

You just call My name

You just call My name

Call My name say it now

I want you to never doubt

The love I have for you is so alive

Call My name say it now

I want you to never doubt

The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name

You just call My name

You just call My name

The love I have for you is so alive

The love I have for you is so alive

You just call My name

You just call My name

You just call My name

sometimes, i don't know what to write. i feel like writing, but there's just nothing there. or there's just too much there. i could talk about a lot of things today... the past three most amazing weeks that i've had at camp, but how could i ever sum that up in one blog post? what part of camp would i talk about? i could talk about the funnie times that we had, but i would just copy and paste that from Facebook... i could talk about the people, but what would i say?
there's not much i can say. God has been AMAZING... but then again, when isn't He?
i feel so blessed!

Trust

its so late. 11:03 to be exact, but i need to share my God experience of today.

today, my Karrie and i went up to camp to visit Pastor Stan and for me to see Brit.

the coolest thing happened. we went to the Spec Trek campfire and i started to strum the guitar... which started everyone singing. requests started coming in, and i was thinking as i played "i dont know those chords off by heart" i said a silent prayer, "dear God, i'm giving this song to you. let it be used in a way that will honor and GLORIFY you !"

i KNOW that God blessed me as i played. i dont know how i knew what chords to play, but it all worked out.

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your understanding"

when you Trust God and when you give EVERYTHING to him, everything will turn out AWESOME!

blank

blank. i really can't think of any profound things to share. but here i'm sitting, my brain and hands working simultaneously at a slow and steady pace.

blank. its not always a bad thing. with nothing on your mind, you tend to have so much room for absolutely nothing. a soft ache exists, but it is easily ignored. take a deep breath. so relaxing. chatter and laughter is coming from my family in the kitchen and the shower is running relieving dad from a rough day.

blank. i can't think of anything to tell you. my brain doesn't have the energy or power to chug enough to think of anything expressive to share.

blank. it can be a good thing. you can't ever quite care enough to get worked up about something. and its almost like you're in your own world of nothing absolutely nothing. blank.

✿flower✿

Flowers. Beautiful, but so temporary.

i was a seed. so small i was hard to find. In fact, i was so tiny that i could have fallen out of His hands. But instead he kept his eyes on me. holding on to me with his palm open and just looking. he was watching me so closely it was like the rest of the world wasn't there. Just me and him. the rest of the world was a blur to him. all that mattered to him at that moment was me and how he could get me safe and sound into his small garden just outside of his modest home. the garden was easily seen from the kitchen sink, so that while washing dishes, he could easily be able to see his seeds turn into a lush garden full of life and colour.

But i was not there yet. i still laid in his hand small and fragile. i started to wonder if i would ever be able to be planted into his garden. He seemed to sense my concern and he looked at me. His eyes seemed to have a sparkle in them, and i just started to notice the small wrinkles forming around them. I wasn't sure if those lines were from too much laughter, or too much grief. i hoped it was not the later because when he looked at me, he had this compassion glowing in his eyes. I no longer wondered if i would ever make it into His garden because at that moment, i knew he had the perfect spot that he wanted to place me.

it didn't take him long to get to the spot he had in mind, in fact, the walk to the garden seemed far too short. on the way, i could tell through his eyes that he had big plans for me in his garden. i started to wonder what colour i would be..... the thoughts stopped as He knelt to the ground and ever so carefully pushed aside soil making the slightest of a hole. i figured he might just drop me in, but instead he looked at me closely admiring my imperfect shape and my tiny size and He placed me ever so carefully into that little hole. after looking at me one more time, he covered me back up with the dirt, and patted it down with a gentle but firm pat.

at first i thought He had just left me there. all alone. i felt tears slip down my cheeks which soon turned the soil around me into moist dirt. i knew for sure now that i was alone and cold. Weeks or maybe months passed, and my tears started to make me grow. all that i wanted was to burst out of the ground and go back to His safe hand, the hand of the one who had planted me here.

finally the day came. i burst out of the ground. i was not as majestic as i wished and hoped for. instead i was amongst all the lush beautiful plants of the garden. there were few small plants like me and there were some i watched pop out of the ground after me and grow into big strong beautiful flowers. all the while, i stayed tiny and small. i was weak and unable to do anything. But everyday the one who planted came out and gave me something to drink. and everyday he would stop at me, bend down and pick up my wilted head. He spoke in a soft voice only i could hear, `i have bigger plans for you, plans that will make you prosper and grow, stop worrying and start believing!`

everyday, he whispered those calming words to me. and i tried so hard to believe him. Some days i wondered when his big plans will kick in, or when i will become a beautiful flower, strong and alive like the rest of His garden. But every time that he came and bent down nice and close to me, He reminded me, 'i have bigger plans for you, plans that will make you prosper and grow, stop worrying and start believing`

but i'm just like you. I try so hard to believe him and i do know that he's right. yet, in those times of drought, when i don't get watered and my soil starts to dry up, i start to lose my hope. i start trying to make it out on my own. i stop listening to my Gardener, and i start listening to all the weeds that start to grow beside me. They start to choke me, and they whisper in my head all the things that they could give me if i trusted them. They promise me that i will be a beautiful strong flower, and all i have to do is one simple thing...

But then, He sees me from his kitchen window. He sees me struggling. my head is wilted and my leaves have turned brown. He stops everything that He's doing and rushes out the door with his garden gloves on. He leans down nice and close to me. He starts untangling the weeds around me. at first i don`t hear his soft voice... `i have bigger plans for you, plans that will make you prosper and grow, stop worrying, start believing.`

God, in this world, somtimes i feel like the smallest flower. I feel like ill never be big enough to bloom and grow into the lush plant that you saw in me before i was planted. i feel so temparary. God i know that you have big plans for my life. I want to trust you that you will make me prosper and grow. God i want to stop worrying. I want to start BELIEVING!

i love you because

i love you because you're not perfect.

i love you because you're not afraid to stand out in the crowd.

i love you because you are yellow when everyone else is blue.

i love you because you stand tall and strong even when you're weak and tired.

i love you because you will catch me on the days when i cant hold myself.

i love you because you listen when the rest of the world stands deaf.

i love you because when i go right, you go left.

i love you because you're crooked and bent and not ashamed.

i love you because you understand who i am and still you love me.

i love you because you drive me crazy.

i love you because you know who you are.

i love you because you're not afraid.

i love you because you're you, and thats who you are, and its all you can be.

City Kidz....blessings

blessings come from heaven, they are unexpected and irreplaceable. today i experienced a blessing. let me tell you about it.

to start out, last week was vbs (vacation bible school) at my church. we collected money for the organization City Kidz... but you'll hear more about that later. on sunday, we had a wrap up for the end of our program... kind of a celebration. i got to talk about the money we raised.... here's what i said.

"This past week has been AMAZING! I got the privilege to be at SonRock Kids Camp VBS and get to know some of the kids in our church and community a little better. Back in May when we had the very first VBS meeting, we talked about what mission we would sponsor throughout the week this year. I was SO EXCITED when the team decided to sponsor City Kidz.

Over the past few years, I have been involved with City Kidz as a volunteer. City Kidz is an organization that works to inspire, instill, and impact the lives of the inner-city kids of Hamilton.

The first day I stepped onto the City Kidz bus, I didn't know what to expect. I had grow up in the country and I KNEW there was kids out there that we hungry and sad, but I'd never experienced it first-hand. And I didn't. Not the first day I was there, or the second... or the third or fourth or fifth... I really didn't know what child poverty was until I had been volunteering at City Kidz for my THIRD YEAR.

I will never forget that day. His name is Daniel. He is six years old. He lives on Sanford Ave. His smile is a white as snow and as wide as the Pacific Ocean. One day, Daniel and I started to talk. I think I asked him how his week was. With a beaming smile he answered me, "Mommy got money this week." at first it didn't all click, but Daniel continued, "she's gonna buy something special." It all seemed so nice. We talked a bit about some nice toys and luxuries that Daniel would love to get. And then right before I was about to leave, Daniel said, "we're gonna have enough food this week."

We're gonna have enough food this week. Those words came from a six year old child. It was the first time that I really knew that there was really something wrong going on in Downtown Hamilton. It was the first time that I knew there was a child I loved who may go a week without a meal.

But congregation. The story doesn't end there. And it won't. Daniel is at City Kidz and He loves it!! Every Saturday morning in the school year, Daniel goes to the Saturday Morning Program at the Playhouse Theatre on Sherman Ave. He gets a weekly home visit from Captain Gina and Bus Driver Fred. All because of City Kidz. Yes, Daniel's life will be hard, but he knows two of the most important things in life. Daniel knows that Jesus loves him, and so does the City Kidz Team.

I do have one more story. This one puts a smile on my face every time I think about it. It's about Timmy. Four. Lives at the second bus stop we go to. It was winter, December 22, my bus team and I was handing out Christmas presents. We walked up the steps to Timmy's house and knocked the door. When we gave him his present he just had to open it right away, he could NOT wait till Christmas came. After he opened it, I turned to him and said, "Timmy, do you like it?" right away, without any hesitation came, "I LOVE IT!!"

Because of City Kidz, children like Daniel and Timmy know that they are loved. They know that they should never give up, and that with Jesus, they can do ANYTHING! This is what City Kidz tires to do for ALL of the kids in the city with programs that reach out to OUR city and OUR kids.

One of the programs the City Kidz has to offer is called "Summer to Remember." This program works to raise money and send inner-city kids to camp for one week. During this past week at SonRock Kids Camp VBS, we challenged the kids of our church and community to raise $280 to send 8 kids to a summer camp for one week. Through God's blessing, we FAR surpassed that goal. Today I feel very privileged to tell you that we raised not just $280 but instead $775. As of now, we are not sending just 8 underprivileged kids to camp, but instead 22 and a half!"

but raising $775 is not the only blessing... today someone from my church (cor and joanne ubbles) came by my house... they were so moved and blessed by my speech that they gave money for City Kidz. Im not sure how much they gave, but its a blessing! PRAISE THE LORD!

Hup Holland Hup!

"Hup, Holland, Hup!"

the World Cup is going on right now and my whole family is into it. being dutch we are, of course, cheering for the Nederlands. (i am so proud of my team!) i can't help but notice the conversation that goes around .. many people like the phrase "Hup Holland Hup!" but WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?!?!?!?!?!

well... me and ELLE V DUB think that i sounds like a word we used to say, "eat your food".... but we thought that is kinda weird... to tell us dutch to ... "EAT THEM, HOLLAND, EAT EM!" so i did a little research.... (on urbandictionary.com)

Hup:

dictionary results

v. to trick someone or make them the butt of a joke

i dont think holland fans are trying to make their team the butt of a joke...so thats out..

An expression that may be used in nearly every social situation that arises.

im not sure if this would work.... is Hup holland Hup a social situation??

vt. cause a server to restart with a new configuration. To generally restart a machine.

well, they DO NEED TO TIGHTEN UP sometimes!!

A contraction of the phrase 'heads up'. A piece of information meant to let someone know about an upcoming event, occurrence, situation, etc.

this too.. they need to LOOK UP! and TIGHTEN UP... adn STOP SLACKING...

i dont wanna be paid to loose.... i wanna WIEN (nacho libre)

olalala i found the RIGHT deffintion...

To "Get Inside" of something, or to "get on" something.

now my whole life makes sence...but thats me... who i am.. its all i can be!

i finally figured it out...

note to holland... UNDERSTAND THIS SAYING BEFORE THE FINALS ON SUNDAY!!

hup holland hup!

... you look like a bum ...

"You look like a BUM!"

most people would be utterly disgusted if by this COMPLETELY rude outburst, however knowing the context of who said it, Emily and I find it funny. it makes me laugh when people are so opinionated... it doesn't matter who they offend. Most of the time, people would be very offended and very turned off by people who say these things, but i love it!!

People wonder why teens buy pants with rips in them, FOR MONEY, and why they don't just buy a perfectly good pair of jeans and hit them with some scissors and drive over them with a tractor a couple times... well, it's just because its easier.

rain. the feeling of the drops of water dripping down my face... the clap of thunder... streak of lightning... feeling wet... dancing.

once i wrote a poem about dancing in the rain.

it went something like this

Dance in the Rain

spinning and twirling

as clouds roll in

the sun is all gone

God's heavenly lights have gone dim

the thunder is booming

all have gone inside

except one little child

as lightning fills the sky

that one little child

all by herself

is awed by the rain

considers it wealth

some say sun brings happiness

they sit there and complain

but really those people have never

spent time dancing in the rain

before i leave, i just want to say a quick story... the other day, the Praise Team from school was at mrs. b's house ... anyways, we were talking about dancing in rain. my friend thought that that was so DUMB and was like what do you do... look outside, realize it's raining and plug in a radio?

and i thought who's dumb now?

finally

finally it feels like summer.

finally school is done for the year.

finally i can sleep in

finally i can relax

finally one chapter of my life is over

finally i can start a new one.

long lost post

i have been trying to post something all day! no particular reason why, but i just felt like i havent written in a LONG time.

so finally, here it is. the post ive long been waiting to post.

funnies with the couple

i find enjoyment in small things. one of my favorite things to do at school is make this one couple in my class feel awkward. enjoyment is found because they make everyone else feel awkward. they are the kind of couple who don't really talk to each other, and when things get awkward, they just start making out. but sometimes my plans don't quite work out, or they end up funnier than i anticipated.

here are some of my stories...

• since about the second month of school, after everyone knew about Awkward Couple, i decided to have some initiative. i decided that i would change this awkwardness into a funniness for the poor passer-byers. I decided that Awkward Couple's hugging sessions would turn into group hugs. most of the time its just the three of us. at first they were totally creeped out, but now, when our group hugs occur, they automatically say, "hey kat"
• one day, while the grass was green and the sun shone bright, Awkward Couple were lying on the soccer field while my friends and i ate our lunch a little ways away. I turned to my friends and said, "you know what, we should stop allowing this noncense! we should go and dance around them" so my friends and i got up, walked over and started to do, not just a dance, but a TRIBAL dance around Awkward Couple. then we walked away.

now for my mom's favorite story....

• one day, Awkward Couple stood in the hallway beside each other, awkwardly of course, so i walked up to them and called out "LOVE LINE" and stood beside Awkward Boy.... but here's the funnie part.... Awkward Girl walked away. I turned to Awkward Boy still holding him awkward and i was like "now THIS is kinda awkward"

now, time for one more story...

• one day, i was walking down the hallway to my next class with one of my friends, and there i saw Awkward Couple and i turned to my friend, "i'm going to go and give them a HUG!" but then, out of the blue, they started to make out! and i was thinking EWWW! i was thinking kat, just letitgo, but in my heart i was like opprotunity! so i just told them, "you know i was going to hug you, but then you started to make out, and i was kinda awkwarded out" then i walked away... apparently they were red.

BAHAHAHA! my life is complete with them!

enclosed.

i'm in a box.

it's dark, enclosed, i'm alone

inescapable.

some light comes through the little holes

i try to grasp it, but when i do, it disappears.

i see someone standing outside the box.

a friendship is made.

we talk of each other and of love

but when he realized that i would never escape from the box,

he left.

now i'm alone. again.

wouldnt life be easy.

wouldn't life be easy

and maybe not so hard

if you could close your eyes,

count to ten

and all your troubles'd be gone.

wouldn't life be easy

if when your day is rough

you could breathe in deep

and let it go

and all your messes'd be fixed.

wouldn't life be easy

and maybe not confusing

if you could spin around

and spin again

with all you pain dismissed

but sometimes life's not easy

it's confusing, rough and hard

but if i close my eyes,

breathe in deep

and spin around

all my messes can be fixed.

songs.

i dont know how the pros do it... writing songs... how do the tunes just come to them? ♪♫♫♪♪♫ how am i expected to just write a song and have a harmony? what is this? miss roberts (music teacher) wants our grade 9 BEGINNER class to write a song... off the top of our heads... and write a harmony! NOT FAIR! i think i should rebel.

btw and besides the point... the song me and the guys are writing is so far so good...

♪♫ these leaves fall down ♪♫ its the way the wind blows

♫♪ i dont know why ♪♫ but thats how life goes

my dreams are gone ♪ ..... ♪♫

♪♫ its the way the wind blows

thats all we have so far... but we'll see how it all work out.

soccer

watching the ball sail through the air, im not sure what will happen. for a few short moments of my life, time seems to stop. i no longer can hear my coach yelling or girl's small chatter on the sidelines, or the parent's encouraging notes. all that is in the world is me, the ball, and the keeper. for those few seconds, all i notice is my own heartbeat. all i see is the ball sailing through the air towards the net and the motion of the goalie jumping up attempting to stop the ball, a small grunt escaping her mouth as she does so. When the ball simply slips through her hands, the moment is over. i start to feel a complete satisfaction with myself and i cant feel any higher in the whole world.

my very first blog

so today is my very first day of blogging. all that's here is me, my computer, and possibly you. so now the only question to answer is why i'm blogging. well, itd be great if i could fully answer that question, but to tell you the truth, i dont really have one. i might be because my sister started blogging a while ago, or that my best friend is sharing her thoughts on facebook, or it might just be so that i can share my thoughts and frustrations with someone. (which thank-you for being that someone) but really those may not even be the reasons why. but who cares, the reasons we do things is the biggest unknown out there.