i was a seed. so small i was hard to find. In fact, i was so tiny that i could have fallen out of His hands. But instead he kept his eyes on me. holding on to me with his palm open and just looking. he was watching me so closely it was like the rest of the world wasn't there. Just me and him. the rest of the world was a blur to him. all that mattered to him at that moment was me and how he could get me safe and sound into his small garden just outside of his modest home. the garden was easily seen from the kitchen sink, so that while washing dishes, he could easily be able to see his seeds turn into a lush garden full of life and colour.
But i was not there yet. i still laid in his hand small and fragile. i started to wonder if i would ever be able to be planted into his garden. He seemed to sense my concern and he looked at me. His eyes seemed to have a sparkle in them, and i just started to notice the small wrinkles forming around them. I wasn't sure if those lines were from too much laughter, or too much grief. i hoped it was not the later because when he looked at me, he had this compassion glowing in his eyes. I no longer wondered if i would ever make it into His garden because at that moment, i knew he had the perfect spot that he wanted to place me.
it didn't take him long to get to the spot he had in mind, in fact, the walk to the garden seemed far too short. on the way, i could tell through his eyes that he had big plans for me in his garden. i started to wonder what colour i would be..... the thoughts stopped as He knelt to the ground and ever so carefully pushed aside soil making the slightest of a hole. i figured he might just drop me in, but instead he looked at me closely admiring my imperfect shape and my tiny size and He placed me ever so carefully into that little hole. after looking at me one more time, he covered me back up with the dirt, and patted it down with a gentle but firm pat.
at first i thought He had just left me there. all alone. i felt tears slip down my cheeks which soon turned the soil around me into moist dirt. i knew for sure now that i was alone and cold. Weeks or maybe months passed, and my tears started to make me grow. all that i wanted was to burst out of the ground and go back to His safe hand, the hand of the one who had planted me here.
finally the day came. i burst out of the ground. i was not as majestic as i wished and hoped for. instead i was amongst all the lush beautiful plants of the garden. there were few small plants like me and there were some i watched pop out of the ground after me and grow into big strong beautiful flowers. all the while, i stayed tiny and small. i was weak and unable to do anything. But everyday the one who planted came out and gave me something to drink. and everyday he would stop at me, bend down and pick up my wilted head. He spoke in a soft voice only i could hear, `i have bigger plans for you, plans that will make you prosper and grow, stop worrying and start believing!`
everyday, he whispered those calming words to me. and i tried so hard to believe him. Some days i wondered when his big plans will kick in, or when i will become a beautiful flower, strong and alive like the rest of His garden. But every time that he came and bent down nice and close to me, He reminded me, 'i have bigger plans for you, plans that will make you prosper and grow, stop worrying and start believing`
but i'm just like you. I try so hard to believe him and i do know that he's right. yet, in those times of drought, when i don't get watered and my soil starts to dry up, i start to lose my hope. i start trying to make it out on my own. i stop listening to my Gardener, and i start listening to all the weeds that start to grow beside me. They start to choke me, and they whisper in my head all the things that they could give me if i trusted them. They promise me that i will be a beautiful strong flower, and all i have to do is one simple thing...
But then, He sees me from his kitchen window. He sees me struggling. my head is wilted and my leaves have turned brown. He stops everything that He's doing and rushes out the door with his garden gloves on. He leans down nice and close to me. He starts untangling the weeds around me. at first i don`t hear his soft voice... `i have bigger plans for you, plans that will make you prosper and grow, stop worrying, start believing.`
God, in this world, somtimes i feel like the smallest flower. I feel like ill never be big enough to bloom and grow into the lush plant that you saw in me before i was planted. i feel so temparary. God i know that you have big plans for my life. I want to trust you that you will make me prosper and grow. God i want to stop worrying. I want to start BELIEVING!
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